SARENA
Born 1999 / Labor and Delivery Nurse
DVW: As you know, I’ve been doing this project on Gen Z and having children. I think generally, when people or media outlets talk about Gen Z compared to previous generations, they say that we are less likely to have children, and if we do, that we have them later in life [the average age of first pregnancy in the USA is 27.3 years old as of 2023, compared with 21.4 years old in 1970]. Since you had your first child at 23, I was wondering if you could tell us what made you want to start a family earlier?
SARENA: Well, it definitely wasn't intentional. It was definitely one of those stereotypical, “Oh shit, what the fuck” situations. Me and my boyfriend got pregnant the first time we ever had sex. The very first time. I found out I was pregnant the weekend after Latina graduation [from NYU]. I was like, we aren’t even officially done with our semester yet! I was four weeks pregnant at the [all-student NYU] graduation. And I think before I got pregnant, I had always been the person that thought, “If I was to get pregnant right now, I'm having an abortion. Not happening,” But then, when I actually became pregnant, I was like, hold on… there's a lot more emotions involved in this than I was expecting. So I started to weigh the pros and cons.
I was like “Okay, I'm literally graduating. I'm going to have a job by the end of the summer. No doubt about it.” I was just like, fuck it. There's more pros than cons. And I actually liked the guy I was with! Worst comes to worst, even if we don't stay together, I know he would be a good dad. I think had I not been in the career that I was graduating in at the time that it happened, though, then maybe I would have chosen differently. But because of the job security [in nursing] I was like, fuck it.
DVW: On the topic of job security. Right now, compared to previous generations, there's a large disparity in salaries… there’s either jobs that pay a lot of money or jobs that pay no money at all, and there's less of that middle ground, there’s a shrinking middle class. I think that’s definitely going to be a huge contributing factor in child bearing for this generation. And I feel like nursing is one of those few jobs that stayed firmly in that middle ground.
SARENA: Yeah, I would say we get paid better than most entry-level jobs. I'm like our only income in the household, though. Technically my boyfriend has a work-study job, but work-study jobs don’t make very much money. If I didn't have the job I have, no way would we be able to survive. It's tight now with the salary that I have, and I don't know how people do it with like two, three, four kids. In New York City, at least.
DVW: You mentioned to me before the interview that you have a few friends your age that are pregnant. Do you think it's because they’re also nurses? The job security?
SARENA: Yeah, I would say so. One of my coworkers, for example, [redacted], she’s pregnant again. I think she’s on her third baby. And she’s in nursing, she’s my coworker. Although one of my best friends, she lives in Texas, and she’s just starting out as a dental assistant, she just had her second baby a few weeks ago. But that’s Texas.
DVW: Do you ever talk about a big difference in the cost of living [with your partner, in regards to your son]? I guess you aren't in Texas yourself, but do you think it would be different, being a young mother in Texas?
SARENA: Definitely. I can't afford to put my kid in child care at all here. Could barely afford, like, a part-time sitter if I wanted to get one. If I was a nurse in Texas, I'd be making less money, but the cost of living is so much less that I would be able to do a lot more, afford a lot more. I also don't have any family here, which plays, like, a large factor in the difficulty…
DVW: Speaking of family, what was your family’s reaction when you told them you were pregnant?
SARENA: Basically they told me to have an abortion without saying the word abortion. My mom was pissed. My dad was, everybody was just really upset. Mostly because I was with women my whole life and the first time I brought a guy to my family, the first thing they said was, “Just dont get pregnant!” And then I did. Nobody in my family was happy. My parents had me when they were 17, they just wanted better for me than what they had. But I was in a completely different situation than they were. So I made my own decision.
DVW: Would you say then that the importance of having a family, or so-called “family values” were not emphasized in your upbringing?
SARENA: No, I don't really think anybody cared too much. It was never really talked about, or pressured or forced or anything [to have children].
DVW: I know it varies to family. I think it can be a cultural thing as well.
PALOMA: My mom is always like, “I want grandchildren!” and I’m like girl, chill… I’m literally 23.
SARENA: Low key, health-wise though, our age- this is the prime child-bearing age. It sounds crazy to say, but its true. Especially working as a labor and delivery nurse, seeing so many labor experiences…. Things go so much easier, so much quicker [when the mother is] twenty-five and under. Between nineteen and twenty-five, twenty six. And not to say people in their 30s don't have fine labor experiences either, they totally can. I just feel like they're often more complicated.
DVW: What would you say is the best part about being a younger mom, and what would you say is the worst part?
SARENA: The worst part is definitely not being completely where we want yet in our careers, both me and my partner. My partner is still finishing undergrad, for example. The best part is having the energy to keep up with Kai. By the time he’s old [enough to be independent], I’m still going to be young. I’m still going to be able to have fun, go out and do things. I want to be able to travel without my kids eventually, and I don't want to wait until I’m sixty years old to do that. That would suck!
DVW: So you think you do want more kids though, correct?
SARENA: Mhm. Yes. My max age gap that I want between Kai [and a sibling] is about like four years, five years. But if I don’t have a girl the second time, I’ll try one more time for my girl. But overall, three [kids] is like my max.
PALOMA: You’re really changing my perspective here, on when I want to have kids. I do have a question though. I feel like a lot of my friends, I would be included, are kind of pessimistic about having kids. Global warming is going to get worse, things are rough out here. Why bring a child into this?
SARENA: I used to feel that way. And I guess in a way, it is kind of selfish. But I don’t know, I just love him. Having someone that loves you unconditionally, that you love unconditionally, is so irreplaceable. It's like having a built-in bestie for life. Sometimes it just feels right. And I’ve felt both ways before- a couple months ago I got pregnant again, and I just knew immediately this time it wasn’t right. Like, I would love another cute baby, and what if it’s my girl? But it would be so irresponsible financially right now. Personally, I just knew. I think a lot of people just know, they can feel it in their body. I’m not saying it wasn’t hard, it was rough. You feel so much love for your baby, such a crazy, unimaginable level of love, that the idea of having that again for another being would be so amazing. But the timing just wasn’t right this time.
