ADAM
Born 1998 / Communications Coordinator
I met up with Adam, who I met at my artist residency in Nebraska, to discuss his future plans. I shadowed him as he moved into his new apartment in Astoria, Queens.
[TAPE CLICKS ON]
DVW: As you know, I've been doing this project on Gen Z. One of the things that separates Gen Z from other generations is a difference in when and how we have children. So I guess the first question to ask is, do you want to have children? And if so, when?
ADAM: I would say I do want to have children eventually. But I don’t think it’ll be for at least like, 10 years. And I know that’s pretty on trend with our generation, with Gen Z. Putting off having children to pursue dreams, goals, careers. And honestly, I fuck with that vision. It’s really weird, because my parents had me when they were like 24. My dad was like 26, which is how old I am now, with a whole two year old. It just boggles my mind.
DVW: Yeah, that’s wild.
ADAM: My parents were young [when they had our family], but they busted their ass to make sure they provided for us, and I've always been grateful for that. But me, having kids right now? Sometimes I can’t even feed myself. So I can’t imagine having a whole other human being to care for. So not for a while, not for me at least.
DVW: You never worry about waiting too long? I guess it’s kind of different for guys.
ADAM: Yeah, obviously, as a guy, I have the privilege of knowing I can literally have kids until I'm like 60 or 70, which is crazy. I can wait. But at the end of the day, growing up with a lot of siblings has made me kind of family oriented. I've really loved growing up with that sense of community... having four siblings. I’ve definitely raised my younger brothers a bit, because of the large age gap, and it has given me some insight… it has made me want to have kids a bit more. Just not right now.
DVW: How do your parents feel about your life plan being so different from theirs?
ADAM: I mean, they definitely wanted what I’ve done. Growing up there really was no other choice, [I was expected] to graduate [high school]. Not necessarily a pressure to go to college, but they were like, you know, try to pursue something you love. And I’ve taken their advice on that… I’m lucky that they’ve always been very supportive about whatever I do, whatever I want, which right now does not include having kids.
DVW: They’re never like, “You’re getting old!” or “We want grandkids?”
ADAM: No, not really. And like I said, I think it’s because of my little brothers, that 17 year age gap- their hands are still full. They’re busy enough raising those little guys.
DVW: Have you noticed a difference in how your younger brothers are raised versus how you were raised? Do you ever get jealous of the experience your parents have now, raising them, that maybe they didn’t have raising you?
ADAM: I definitely compare the two experiences a lot. You know, when my parents were my age raising me, my dad was… pretty mean. To be fair, my mom was teaching, getting her degree, while my dad stayed home and tried to raise us. Then she’d come home, and he’d go out and work nights. It definitely put stress on him, all that plus only being in his 20’s. He loved us, but it was in his own way. Looking back, being so young, and under so much stress, I don’t know if he had the emotional capacity to raise us. He had older generations’ mindset when it came to discipline. That's just the way he was.
DVW: So he was tough, you would say.
ADAM: I mean, he grew up in New York, on the streets of Brooklyn, so yeah. But now my parents are in their 40’s, my dad just turned 50, actually. And they have the tools to raise kids now. They’re way more chill, more down to earth, you know. They don’t get as upset at some things that they used to.
DVW: They're more emotionally mature.
ADAM: Way more emotionally mature. And they weren’t necessarily that way when I was growing up. But I don't blame them for it, I don't hold it against them. I love them dearly, and I just feel so lucky to be able to have a relationship with my parents.
DVW: So do you think this experience has informed how you will be yourself as a parent? Would you be less harsh? I think that definitely is more akin to the approach our generation will take. Do you think you would ever institute corporal punishment?
ADAM: I’m definitely against corporal punishment. I feel like we see so many memes online that are like, “When I was a kid, we would get hit for that.” But like, that's not something to be proud of, you know, that's trauma. That's childhood trauma that you probably carry around with you. I don’t think I’ll be like that [as a parent]. My parents, since they were so young, we spent a lot of weekends at my grandma's house. And she definitely took a different approach. She would say, “I always want it to feel like a vacation when you guys come over, I want it to feel like you guys can take a load off.” We could hang out and get Dominos, or go to Blockbuster, play Gamecube. So I was super lucky to have my grandmothers influence in my life, that contrast.
DVW: I talked a little bit about it already in a previous interview, my close relationship with my grandmother. That’s definitely something I can relate to. I’ve thought recently about how her having my dad super young is why she's still around today to have that close relationship with me. It’s made me a bit fearful of missing out kids, or grandkids, because I waited too long.
[PAUSES]
DVW: But I don’t think I’m alone in this fear. And I think as we progress and develop as a society, we’re definitely seeing a huge turn towards older couples using surrogates, IVF, people freezing their eggs [in pop culture see Kim Kardashian, Priyonka Chopra, Gabrielle Union] in order to start a family later in life. And with this growing trend I think there's definitely been like a lot of pushback as well. I see a lot of comments on X [formerly Twitter] , for example, remarking on how it’s “unnatural” or against the natural cycle of reproduction, of life to use a surrogate. What are your thoughts on these alternative reproduction methods?
ADAM: I mean, as far as surrogacies and designer babies and shit, I’m not gonna lie, it does seem a little dystopian to me. It opens the door to people being very selective about the gene pool, being able to biochemically engineer a kid that has specific traits. But at the same time, if you're physically unable to have a kid, I don't know, maybe [those methods] could be useful. That's your own choice, your own body, definitely go for it if you want to.
DVW: I’ve considered maybe freezing my eggs, potentially down the line, personally. Just to borrow myself some extra time. But it's so expensive. All of these alternative reproductive methods are. So as we progress towards these methods being more normalized, more common, I think an interesting conversation around financial privilege emerges. Who can afford to have someone else birth their baby for them?
[PAUSES]
DVW: But still, regardless of these um, alternative methods of reproduction, people in the United States generally continue to have fewer children, and are having them later in life than previous generations. The only group that consistently continues to have the same amount of children are american immigrants, specifically Latinx immigrants. I was wondering your thoughts on the diversifying US population, or “minority majority”, that will inevitably come to fruition as Gen Z starts their families.
ADAM: I mean, as someone who's half Puerto Rican and half White, it's kind of something I’ve wrestled with, my own racial identity. Realizing that I am Boricua, you know, like I am Puerto Rican. It took me forever to come to terms with my last name being “Ortega.” So I think more acceptance, more diversity is a good thing, honestly. I think it's great. I think that there should be more of it. The U.S. is supposed to be a melting pot.
DVW: Yeah, it's definitely cool to be apart of the generation changing things, the generation advancing the minority majority.
ADAM: Times are changing for sure. It’s time to shuffle up the deck a bit.
[TAPE CUT]