ELLA
This interview took place in my roommate Ella’s bedroom in the fall of 2023.
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VW: Do you want to have children? Why or why not?
ELLA: No. So many stars would have to align that I just think it's unrealistic.
DVW: Can you elaborate?
ELLA: I mean, if I ever did have a kid, I would want to adopt. I would never want to be pregnant myself.
DVW: Oh, why wouldn’t you want to be pregnant?
ELLA: I just don't know if my body could handle it.
DVW: So because of medical problems that you have, you don't think you could be pregnant?
ELLA: I don't think that I could have a healthy pregnancy, I also don’t think I’ve ever heard anything about pregnancy that sounds especially fun or enjoyable. I'm barely taking care of my body as is. I don't want to have to take care of a second body inside of myself. Which is why if I did have kids, I would want to adopt. And you have to be in a specific situation to be able to adopt, with a committed partner. I also want enough money where I could afford a nanny. I don't want to actually have a nanny, to be clear. I just want to be able to afford one in case things don't work out with a partner, so there’s still support there. And all of these things would have to align. My mom didn’t have me until she was 35, which is a good while from now, so it's hard to imagine if I’d feel the same way then. But I just can’t imagine having to share my body, and I don’t think my feelings on that will change.
Born 2000 / Student
DVW: That's a good transition into my next question. One of the things that separates Generation Z from other generations is a so called, “prolonged adolescence.” We generally push back having children until our 30’s or decide not to have any children at all. We live with or depend on our parents longer, and we prioritize “me time” such as traveling, enjoying childless independence as long as possible. Has this “me time” ever factored into your decision to not have children now or maybe ever?
ELLA: Technically yes, I do enjoy “me time.” But more importantly, I just don’t want a child right now. I don't think people should have a baby unless they really want one. They shouldn’t be like, “this is the next step and I should do this because I have no reason not to.”
DVW: You and I were both born in 2000, that means we were 8 through 12 when the Great Recession was happening. Do you think that's impacted your decision to not have children?
ELLA: I don’t know, I definitely didn't know what was happening at the time. I wasn't like, “my childhood is bad because of the recession happening.” We didn't have a lot of money before the recession either, so there wasn’t a big change. My family didn't talk about the recession so much as we talked about being in severe credit card debt. That was a factor when I was much younger and then consistently until I was a teenager.
DVW: So maybe not the recession directly, but the idea of possibly being financially insecure scares you to a point where you don't want to have children?
ELLA: Definitely. You have to be able to provide a certain level of comfort if you're going to commit to bringing someone else into the world. It's especially a factor for me because I would be adopting, and if you’re unprepared you could be taking a child away from a better home.
DVW: Have you found that most of your friends share a similar opinion? They want to wait to have children or not have any at all? Is it something you talk about?
ELLA: Well, I think a lot of my friends do want to have kids eventually. But yeah, it's so far down the line for us mentally that it's not something we often discuss at length. I think it’s just so stressful. It stresses people out to think about all the things they’d have to get in order. And if you don't want kids it's just not relatable or interesting to talk about. We don’t talk about it often.
DVW: From knowing you, I know you do have one friend that did have a child at a young age, and that you’re still friends with him. Has it impacted your friendship in any way? Has his experience impacted your feelings around having children?
ELLA: I remember when he first had his kid, there was so much drama, and it was really stressful. But now [his child is] four, and he has a really good relationship with her. He’s on social media doing her hair and stuff. Watching [their relationship] really heals my inner child, seeing a single dad put in all that effort and seeing how happy his kid is. It didn’t change my opinion on what I want for myself personally, but it did remind me that your life doesn't end when you have kids.
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